That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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