I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
