I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
