Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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