i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
