My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
