College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
