I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
