i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
