When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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