You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
