i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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