Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
