the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
