your parents love me but you hate me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's always time for handjobs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
