it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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