just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want her autograph on my taint
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
