ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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