Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize