they need to just BURY HIM!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
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