i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
