Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
