dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
