i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize