Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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