Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
