i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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