i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
