i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize