guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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