She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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