when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
