Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
nutella sex= disaster
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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