Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
