i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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