they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
