So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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