I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize