shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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