Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
