I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
