Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
