You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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