There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
