he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
