i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize