is your mom at the bar?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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