If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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