have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
