I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Two words: blizzard sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
