I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
