I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
