I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
