I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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