I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
