Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
