Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
