i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
handjob tips. give me some.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
