I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
