just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
