Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
