just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
