My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My vagina is officially offended.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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