You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
