We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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